Body Language - The One Thing Capable Of Betraying Your Mouth

Whether it’s been one year or seventeen years, you can learn to be happy in your marriage even if you’re ready to throw your hands up in frustration.

It’s all about communication skills and learning how to positively interact with your partner. You know, being civil with each other when there’s an argument instead of throwing your wedding ring out the window for the lawnmower to eat next Sunday afternoon while screaming the “D” word (yes, the neighbors will hear you).

Is that all there is to it? Of course not – every relationship is different because people are different. The trick is to learn the basic skills first and then tailor them to your marriage.

1. Don’t put all the responsibility on your spouse. Sure, let them wash the dishes, vacuum or fix the car. Those are their responsibilities. I mean don’t let your spouse become the be all and end all of your marriage.

It’s not their job to make you happy. If you rely solely on your spouse to make you happy, hell will most likely freeze over first. To be happy in your marriage, you need to be responsible for your own happiness – as in, if they dropped off the face of the earth tomorrow, your life would still be worth living.

Of course you’d be heartbroken and devastated, but if you’d rather hang yourself than move on, you’ve got some priority issues.

Take your happiness into your own hands. Spend time with yourself and do things that you enjoy doing. If your spouse would rather have a beer with the guys than go with you to the mall to shop for the new bedroom window treatments you’ve been dying for, then let him! Don’t make it a huge fight either, or you’ll both end up miserable.

Just go do what you want to do and enjoy doing it – when you come home, your spouse will be there to share their time with you in a different way.

2. Get over the money issue. I mean, really get over it. That’s a huge part of learning how to be happy in your marriage. Communication skills are key when discussing money issues to make sure you and your spouse are on the same page (as in, the rent and the electricity bills are paid), but there’s no use fighting about it.

Whether you and your spouse don’t have much more than a few cans of Spaghetti-O’s in the cabinet or you have a Benz in the garage next to the in-ground pool, you have to realize – you can’t pull a U-Haul behind your hearse.

The biggest reason that marriages fall apart and people get divorced is money issues. Work together with your partner to put money issues aside. Yes, it’s difficult but not impossible.

Let some things go and spend time with your spouse doing things you both love. While there’s no room for material belongings or any piece of paper with an old guy’s face on it when this life is said and done, things like resentment and anger seem to linger like an insecure college roommate. It takes a long time for them to go away. Get your priorities straight, your communication skills in check and focus on your marriage rather than your bank account.

3. Level the playing field. You’ll never be happy in your marriage if the scales aren’t balanced. What makes your marriage balanced, however, is between you and your spouse.

That’s why having good communication skills under your belt is extremely helpful and even essential. You need to discuss with your partner what each of you is responsible for – list them if you have to – and whether or not the dispersion of these responsibilities is fair.

This is where it can get tricky though. If you’re the one with the majority of the responsibilities and you’re the one bringing up the subject of equality, so to speak, you’re on pretty thin ice. You want to approach the situation carefully, and if you don’t utilize the right communication skills, you could be in hot water.

Be positive, ask instead of demand, and never raise your voice. Start small – if there’s a whole list of things you want your spouse to take responsibility for, don’t heap them all on at once.

There are many things you can do to be happy in your marriage. Sharpen your communication skills and put some of these good marriage strategies into play. Above all, work with your partner and not against them. Consider yourselves a team. As clichéd as it sounds, it really is the best way to get your marriage to the level that you want it to be at.

I'm sure you don’t want to be fighting with your spouse forever over money, doing everything yourself or relying on them for your sole source of happiness (because you will more than likely be miserable).

You don’t have to condemn yourself to a Peg and Al Bundy’s fate yet, but you don’t have to be June and Wally Cleaver either. Find your marriage niche and what works for you and your spouse, and you’ll be well on your way to be happy in your marriage; hopefully for blissful eternity.

Okay, maybe not bliss but with a little bit of effort, you can probably learn how to tolerate each other, live with each other and even like each other. You can learn how to communicate effectively with your partner, reduce stress and throw the “D” word out the window – not your wedding ring.

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