Communicating With Your Spouse

Communicating with your spouse is one of the most important aspects of marriage, and without good communication skills, your marriage may very well end up on the rocks if it hasn’t already.

Chances are, when you first got married, communicating with your partner to be was easy and of course, fun. Conversations were full of interested questions and animated answers.

Unfortunately, as time went on, the period of learning about each other died down and arguments and disagreements took its place. Getting back on (or continuing) the path of communicating with each other is vital to your marriage.

How do you do it?

It can be difficult, especially if you and your spouse have strayed quite a bit from good communication. It’s not impossible though – think of it as ice fishing. It’s hard but doable and it may require you to learn a few new skills, but the rewards are well worth the effort expended.

Take a look at the different ways you can improve your marriage by communicating with your spouse.

Give your partner some attention.

Instead of watching television or zoning out on your favorite computer game, try some one on one time with your spouse. Even if it’s only for five minutes, focusing on your partner and involving yourself in their corner of the world can make a huge difference.

If they open up to you and begin sharing their thoughts or feelings (even if it’s just about the weather), give your spouse your full attention.

Don’t put words in your spouse’s mouth.

Everyone hates that, not just you! It’s so frustrating when you’re trying to make a point and your spouse jumps to conclusions, interjecting what they think you’re trying to say, even though it may be completely incorrect.

For example, your wife calls to tell you that the credit cards are maxed out – and you go into a tirade about how she shopped too much. Your wife then tells you that it was a mistake by the credit card company and she’s getting it taken care of – now don’t you feel like a jerk?

You can easily avoid this situation by just keeping an ear open to what they have to say.

Have conversations with each other.

Find something to discuss – is it a book you’ve both read? The football team that got owned last Sunday? You can even discuss something that is made up – like what you would do if you won the lottery or if you had the opportunity to vacation in Aruba. Fat chance? That’s part of what makes it so fun!

No matter what you are communicating with your spouse about, just make a point to do it now and then.

Learn when to shut up.

Yeah, I went there. Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. So your husband didn’t get the oil changed in the car right away. Your wife left the dishes overnight. If it’s not a big deal, don’t mention it. Just bite your tongue (literally if you have to) and move on to bigger and better things.

Make time for each other.

Go on dates regularly if you can get away (this can be difficult if you have kids, but a few dollars spent on a babysitter is well worth it) and really talk to each other.

You don’t have to rekindle any romance or make a big deal out of it. Go to a movie or eat dinner at your favorite restaurant – even if it’s in silence. Communicating with your spouse isn’t always about talking, you know!

Nix the negativity.

You’d be surprised at how often someone can come off as negative, even when they’re not trying to. A good rule of thumb in a marriage is to step outside yourself for a moment and listen to what you’re saying from someone else’s point of view. If you catch yourself being negative, replace it with a positive attitude and find a way to reword what you’re saying to be less critical and pessimistic.

Avoid “talks.”

What? Isn’t this article about communication? It sure is, but I mean avoid approaching your spouse with a “we have to talk.” No matter who you are, having your spouse sit you down for a “talk” sends instant “get the hell out of here” signals to your brain!

If you have a situation you need to speak with your spouse about (even if it’s a serious one) watch what you say (as in, don’t say “we need to talk”) and lighten up the mood by staying optimistic.

Avoid the “talks” all together if you can – it’s much better to have small discussions about issues regularly than a single “we have to talk” session where it’s nothing but a nag-fest or worse – a blow up.

Respect your spouse.

Right.

How do you show respect for someone that you clearly don’t respect – they never do this, they always do that, etc.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly the thinking that is going to get you into hot water. Sure, your spouse does things that upset you and even make you angry. But you need to respect them as a person, if for nothing else.

When you speak to your spouse, show them respect. When you argue with your spouse, show them respect. Show respect regardless of how you feel because ultimately, you want to be respected as well. Respect is ultimate when communicating with your spouse.

Communicating with your spouse can sometimes seem overwhelming. There are a thousand ways to do things and even more ways not to do them! How can you sort everything out so it all makes sense? How can you actually weed through tons of communication suggestions to find the ones that you can actually put into good use?

It’s tough – of course it’s tough. When have you ever heard someone say that keeping a marriage healthy and happy was easy? Not to worry though – with some good old elbow grease from both you and your spouse, you can make your marriage work by learning the ropes of communicating with your spouse.

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