Communication Problems In Marriage - Why Saying 'Yes' Isn't The Same As Saying 'No'

Let’s face it – there’s always going to be communication problems in marriage. Unless you and your spouse were raised to utilize perfect communication skills, you and your partner are probably not going to be on the same page all the time.

It’s like reading a book with someone – you’re turning the page and they’re saying, “Wait, go back! I wasn’t done with that page yet!”

That’s okay. You can learn to embrace the discordance that is present in your marriage and … yes, everyone else’s too. But first, you should learn how to keep that discordance … well, to a minimum and avoid fueling the fire.

Learn effective communication skills and learn about the communication problems in marriage – and which ones you can easily eliminate.

Use Your Indoor Voice

The first of the communication problems in a marriage is yelling. Everyone does it, so why shouldn’t you?

Well, you should – if the situation warrants yelling. As in, your spouse gambles away your life savings in Las Vegas or sells their soul to the devil. Unless you’re into that kind of thing.

What doesn’t warrant yelling? When your spouse uses your new Marc Jacobs cocktail dress to wipe up a toddler juice spill or stands in front of the football game for ten minutes explaining how frustrated they are at their job. Sure, these situations are going to frustrate you, and quite possibly send you through the roof.

But husbands and wives nowadays are too quick to raise their voices – it can escalate a moderately maddening situation into a fiery dispute from which there is no return.

Watch Your Language

Of course, there are many communication problems in marriage. One problem in particular, however, stands out as one of most easily avoided yet the least thought about. You should never use absolute verbs and you should always avoid using them at all times.

If you’re familiar with absolute verbs, you know that the last sentence was chock full of them.

How can absolute verbs take their toll on a marriage? It’s Communication Skills 101, yet somehow these potentially destructive words escape our lips on a daily basis.

“You never take out the trash!”

“You are always nagging me about something!”

“You are forever on the phone.”

“You never compliment me or say nice things to me!”

Sounds familiar? It’s impossible that your spouse is always nagging you about something or never takes out the trash. Even if they only take out the trash once in a blue moon, it’s still not “never.”

Not only can you make your spouse feel pretty lousy by using absolutes, you can make them extremely reluctant to do anything ever again.

For example, if you’re accusing your spouse of never complimenting you, they really will stop altogether – why put effort into complimenting you when you think they never do it anyway?

Listen Up

One of the most pertinent communication skills in any relationship is listening and without listening, you can have some serious communication problems in marriage.

Everyone wants to be heard – it’s a primal instinct.

When your spouse is trying to communicate with you, are you listening? Do you even give them a chance to talk?

It’s a good bet that you don’t if you consistently raise your voice to override theirs when you’re arguing or if you shut them out. It can be extremely frustrating to be trying to make a point (valid or not) and have it fall on deaf ears or worse, the opportunity to speak up is quashed before you even get a word out.

Solving this communication problems in marriage is simple – shut your mouth for five minutes while your spouse speaks their peace. It’s a two way street though – when they’re done, they need to zip it while you make your point.

Keep it from spiraling out of control by agreeing to keep voices down and to avoid saying hurtful things.

You Ain’t Always Right

Yes, we were there. Neither you nor your spouses are always right. So quit trying to prove it. Quit focusing on “winning” and coming out of an argument the victor.

No one is winning if you’re lying in the bed steaming mad at each other after a heated disagreement instead of gettin’ some.

Now there are communication problems in marriage that need work and there are those that really need work. This is one of the latter. If holding back the desire to prove that you’re “right” is the only communication skill you end up utilizing, there’s hope for you yet.

Start by doing a complete mind makeover – you need to realize that not only are you not right (at least not all the time), your spouse isn’t either.

It’s not even about being “right.”

This might be more difficult than you thought. You need to realize that each of you makes a valid point. What makes the point valid? Because it’s yours. The same goes for your spouse – their point is valid because … well, just because it’s theirs.

This may sound silly at first, but once you adopt this new way of thinking, your actions will be easier to modify. If you inherently see your spouse’s point as valid (no matter what the point is), you will be more inclined to sit down and listen (see, the communication skills always tie into each other) and after they’re done making their valid point, you can make yours and you will have a much more captive audience than if you were to have undermined the point your spouse was trying to make.

It can be difficult learning how to thwart the major communication problems in marriage. It will only work if both you and your partner are putting effort into it – one spouse cannot make necessary changes on his or her own.

Feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of putting these communication skills into play? Don’t worry – it’s not all or nothing.

Take one skill at a time and work on it and realize that you’re never going be perfect. Give it time though and before you know it, you and your spouse will be so good at communicating that no one will dare take you on in a game of Charades.

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