Tips For Bringing Romance Back To Marriage

If you and your partner have settled into the “sophomore slump” of your marriage, you’re not alone. In fact, you’re in the majority. Even so, getting stuck in a marriage rut isn’t fun.

It doesn’t have to be inevitable though – with a little effort, you and your partner can discover these tips for bringing romance back to marriage.

Realize what “romance” is.

Romance is not defined by chocolates, roses and dinner dates. It’s not defined by gifts or anything of that sort. Romance is essentially emotional closeness and intimacy.

If you and your partner have become emotionally closed off to each other, there’s probably not much romance in your marriage, if any. If you and your partner are tuned into each other’s emotions and are receptive to those needs, you will begin to experience a renewed romance in your marriage.

Don’t judge your marriage against what you and your partner had when you were first dating.

Sure, that makes sense doesn’t it? But you wouldn’t believe the number of husbands and wives that throw out the phrase “You weren’t like this when we were dating!” during an argument.

When you and your partner began dating, you were just getting to know each other. Everything was new and interesting, and therefore captivated you.

That was one of the best times of your life, but after you get past the initial stages and get to know and love each other, those new and exciting feelings are long gone and you’ll be sorely disappointed should you constantly compare your marriage as it is now to what you and your partner had during the beginning of your relationship.

That does not mean, however, that your marriage will never be romantic again. It will, but in different ways.

Communicate what you are feeling.

It doesn’t take a vast knowledge of complicated communication skills to say, “Hey, I’m feeling lonely” or “You’re making me feel upset right now.”

This is perhaps one of the biggest tips for bringing romance back to marriage. Remember, your partner can’t read your mind. Think of it this way – romance is being emotionally close and being emotionally close involves communicating to your partner what you are feeling. It’s a no-brainer really. This is a two way street though – it will only work if your partner does the same.

Show your partner appreciation.

Your partner needs to feel loved and appreciated, not taken for granted. You may not be doing anything outright to make your partner feel underappreciated, but the simple fact is that not doing anything at all to show appreciation can have a lot to do with losing the romance in a marriage.

Small things, like “thank you” and even a small appreciative gesture can go a long way when you want your partner to know how much you are thankful for all that they do in your relationship and for your family.

Have physical contact.

No, we don’t mean just sex. We mean everything but sex - though you should include a romp in the sack every so often just for good measure.

Hold hands with your partner, kiss them, hug them, rub their back, pat their derriere – any type of loving physical contact will do. Believe it or not, non-verbal communication skills are just as important as verbal ones.

You don’t have to be all over them (this will actually make things worse) but physical contact with your partner is one of the most essential and important tips for bringing romance back to marriage. Without physical contact, how easy is it to feel close to someone?

Once you bump up the physical contact with your partner, you’ll begin to feel closer and more in tune with each other naturally and the romance will start to creep back in.

Realize their shortcomings, and forgive them.

You don’t have to criticize – being criticized by someone that you care so deeply about and love so much can hurt beyond hurt.

Be careful not to put your partner down or belittle them, even if you are angry. If you have to, put your anger or annoyance aside until you can speak calmly to your partner and have an adult discussion about the issue at hand. If you criticize and belittle, you’ll do nothing but make a bad situation worse.

On the same token, you need to realize that your partner is not perfect and never will be. There are some things that will just grate on your very last nerve and if your partner does it one more time, you’re going to explode.

You know what? If it’s not a big deal, find a way to look past it. Don’t you want them to look past your silly faults too?

Make time for each other.

Even if it’s just to watch a television program together or have a ten minute conversation when the kids go to bed (before you pass out on the couch). A marriage is like a plant – it needs food and water to grow. Spending time with your partner every so often is like watering a plant and giving it a big, heaping dose of fertilizer – it will grow tall and lush in no time.

There are an infinite number of tips for bringing romance back to marriage and it takes time and effort to discover the ones that work for you and your partner. There is no cookie cutter solution – it’s about trial and error.

Stop thinking about romance in the conventional sense and start thinking about romance as being emotionally close and in tune with each other.

Even if you think the romance in your marriage is D.O.A., there’s still a chance that once you and your partner work at becoming closer and more in tune with each other that you’ll revive it.

There’s nothing better than the wonderful sense of accomplishment that you and your partner will share once you become romantic with each other again – and this time, it will be on a whole new level.

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